The Excellent Wife

Recently... I read ok I hate reading, I bought the audio book on itunes "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Pierce. Mason and I have been needing a Biblical biblical biblical BIBLICAL focus on how I should be a wife. Christian wifehood doesn't have to mean "a silent mat that is a servant to a dominate husband" But instead, both of us serving our God, through our marriage. I read this book a few months ago, but come back to it almost daily. I've put scripture all around our house, on cute little scrapbooked 3 X 5 cards hanging from ribbon... as a reminder on every light switch in the house...I hope you really read and meditate on these words...and I pray that it challenges you!

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The Excellent Wife By: Martha Peace

Notes

1. Making a choice to be a faithful Christian, as a wife

• Jon 8:38 there is help to becoming a good wife, b/c its not easy.
• The Holy Spirit will help wives to submit to God's will, which is our husband's authority
• "Helper" John 14:16-17 Wives are without excuse...this is what God has commanded, he’s made it known.
• 1 Jon 1-9 Confess your sins, start new.
• 1 Jon 5:14--"If we ask anything according to his will, he hears us." God is listening.

1. Views of God & myself

• Our view in life is to be God-centered, not self-centered.
• Creature serving the creator, not the other way around--remember that.
• What wives need to know about God:

• Genesis 2:18 My primary ministry in life is to glorify God by being a helper. God’s created me for this role. That is what God is asking of me.
• God is gracious, compassionate, and righteous. It is out of love he gives me this role. Psalm 116:1,2, and 5.
• God heals the brokenhearted Psalm 147: 3 and 5. God knows all, he knows what is best for me, it is all out of love.
• God is purposefully working in your life. He causes all things to work for good in your life Romans 8: 28-29. Changes in character to becoming more like God in our marriage are good ramifications (good coming from adversity).
• Love God by being an obedient Christian. John 14:15
• Be a joyful and fulfilled wife in the calling God has. Proverbs 31: 13, 18, and 25-on.
• God wants us and our husbands to experience all of these wonderful things.

• What wives need to know about the works they do:

• God has prepared good works for the Christian wife to do. Ephesians 2:10 (God has prepared me to do work with a pure heart's motive and attitude, not to focus on my husband's duties…but my RESPONSIBILITIES as a married Christian woman)
• The Christian wife's works has eternal worth 2 Corinthians 5:10 and 1 Timothy 4:8---Christ's rewards.
• Christian wife doesn't have to be afraid 1 Peter 3:6. (Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him "Lord" ) Focus on God rather than myself-don't give into fear. Its not about how we look from other’s perspectives, or if we don’t get our way- we won't be taken advantage of because God is in control. God keeps his promises.
• The focus of a Christian wife is to focus on God, not herself. Fix eyes on Jesus Hebrew 12:1-2.
• A Christian wife does not have to sin, the power grip that sin has is broken over Christ. It is a choice. God gives us strength not to sin. Romans 6:6-7
• In spite of the husband's imperfections, God still put husbands as ruler over wife. Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of the woman. I Corinthians 11:3, and Col 2:9-10…God's rule trumps Husband's rule…I am are safe, so no worries. When a wife is denying submitance to her husband it is rooted from pride or fear.
• Romans 8:29 Regardless of the path, no matter how pure the direction is that our husband is on, God has a plan and is working through it and we still need to obey.
• 1 Jon 2:16 Wrongly influenced by the world. Fulfillment coming from serving household not career. Titus 2:5 (Order goes, #1-God, #2- Husband, #3- children, #4- anything else.)
• Ephesians 6:10-11, 13 Stand firm against the Devil by being an obedient Christian. Place yourself under your husband's leadership- to be found guilt free.
• 1Timothy 2:12-14 The woman is more easily is deceived…adam and eve. For our own good, man is in the leadership position.
• Titus 2:3-5 God restricted the women's role in the church because the woman can be deceived easily, the wise woman will accept that fact and graciously embrace the role God has made her. (Not letting pride cloud her judgement and tempt her to sin by not obeying God.)
• We will never be what God wants until we come under the authority of our husbands.

1. Chapter 3: Wife’s understanding of Sin- God’s provision

• God created man and women, Gen 1:27, 1:31 the qualities in man and women were seen to be good.
• We have perverted this image by sinful man: God gave man the ability to think (men rob banks), Woman the ability to feel (women feel tense, then scream at children) (Hebrews 10:22--know right from wrong)
• Ephesians 4:29 -Sometimes men (mankind) respond in a sinful way.
• The Four Characteristics of Sin

• Sin is universal, no one is exempt Romans 3:33
• What sin is--Gal. 5:19-21
• Sin cannot be hidden from God. 1 Samuel 16:7, Hebrews 4:13, 16
• Sin is justly penalized Romans 6:23,Isaiah 53:11

• God's provision over us was Jesus' death Isaiah 53:5, Acts, 16:31
• Romans 10:9 If you confess & believe..you will be saved.
• 1 Jon 5:13 You've been forgiven of your sin.
• Deal with past sin now: 1 Corinthians. 6:9-11, 2 Cor. 5:17--clear with husband, confront pastor.
• Eph. 4:32 Forgive as God has forgiven you.
• Any sin will corrupt the one-ness that God has designed for marriage.
• It takes more than just confessing. 1 Timothy 4:7…it takes work. How Godly we become depends on how hard we work at it.
• We have to be transformed. Romans 12:2 Eventually the Godly response eventually becomes the natural response. Eph. 4:22,24-25,28,31-32
• Wrong sinful thought: "I hate him." Godly thought " I don't feel love for him right now but I choose to respond in a loving way" "
• Wrong thought "there is no hope for this marriage" Godly thought: "If he repents there is nothing I can't forgive and we can't work through."
• Godly thoughts: "I can be pleasing to God whether he is or not", "God is faithful, I can do this because God will not allow me to be tempted beyond what I can take" (1 Cor. 10:13, 13:5), "Thank you lord for my husband, what can I do to show him he's special to me?" After realizing that a thought was wrong, repent, and REPLACE a thought with God-honoring thought. It is a process that takes work. 1 Tim. 4:7, 1 Peter 1:17-19

1. Chapter 4: A wife's understanding of Relationships, God's pattern:

• Best example: TRINITY- perfect relationship
• Jesus prayed that believes were one- united-- John 17: 22-23
• Gen 2:24- husband and wife are already united as one. The unity God intends is possible only through Christ.
• Look to God for a perfect pattern of relationships
• Ingredients of oneness in a relationship.

• Characteristics of the trinity: being tender, compassionate, merciful, glorifying the other, sacrificial for the other, perfect knowledge of each other, reliable,
• Characteristics of fallen man: not gentle, mean, tearing the other down to build up self, selfish, hurting by not committing biblically, lacking in trust "if you will, then I will". likely to manipulate cling to "my rights"

• Eph. 5:22-23 This is God's desire, for us to mirror the trinity's one-ness and to act like Jesus Christ--John 17: 22-23 Hebrews 7:25.
• Stop asking "what will I get out of it"…instead, "What can I give and how can we glorify God?" 2 Corn. 5:9
• To live is CHRIST Phil. 1:21, Romans 8:29
• It is easy to live for yourself, but not fulfilling. If you are wanting to be closer and your husband is not, you are still held accountable for being Christ-like. Husbands are held accountable too, but it is not our job to order them to do it, but you can help…help each other--mutual sanctification (next chapter)
• Luke 17:10…giving yourself to your husband is not going above and beyond, it is just doing what you ought.
• Hebrew 4:12 The Holy Spirit will convict you, so that your relationship with husband will be glorifying to God.
• your tasks need to be sacrificial.

1. Chapter 5: A Wife's understanding of Marriage

• We should all have a Biblical Goal, and pursue it.
• God's goal for marriage:

• Oneness that glorifies God-does not happen by chance, it happens in measurable,concrete, daily, and practical ways. Gen. 2:24, Eph. 5:22-33, Hebrews 13:4 (stop being sarcastic, respond with love and gentleness instead)

• Four means to achieve goal of oneness:

• Make marriage a matter of faithful prayer

• be regular and specific, name weaknesses, ask God to change your and your husband's ways

• commit to course of action

• Biblical course--a plan based on scripture

• take responsibility for your own actions

• Matthew 7:3-5 speck in your own eye.

• Submit to the process of mutual sanctification

• 3 different types: positional (God draws sinner to himself and cleans him)progressive (begins at moment of salvation and ends when we die),and future (completely the work of God, when God returns to the church). "Grow" is a command in the bible.

• God shows you your sin, Heb. 4:12, by having someone tell you (Prov. 27: 5-6), respond with a grateful heart, not a prideful one (proverbs 13:10, 16:18)
• 1 Peter 3:7, Gen 2:18…how we both help each other.
• 1 Timothy 4:7 discipline yourself for the purpose of Godliness.
• Ways we become more like Christ:

• submit to husband, live in harmony 1 Peter 12:14, 3:8-9, Philip. 4:11-12 finical pressures- being content. daily work Col. 3:23, behaving properly James 5:14-15, Trails James 1:1,2,3,12, and James 4:13-16. Baring other's burdens. Romans 13:14 Perserverance. Diligence Col. 3:16. Gratefulness, humility.

• Biblically correcting husband with gentleness and love "REPROOFS" Matthew 18:15, Gal. 6:1--applies to how you’d run a church, but you’d never correct Jesus.

• choose the right time Ecl. 3:1,7 (wrong times infront of others, or atten. can not be given fully to conversation)
• choose the right wording (prov. 15:28) write it out, and practice it if needed. Ask an objected and trusted Godly older woman to read it before confronting husband
• Comfort him as you correct him Rev. 2:2-3 Praise first!!!!…simply an act of kindness, not manipulative
• in everything give thanks 1 Thes. 5:16
• Be specific to husband in love. Speak truth Eph. 4:5, Phil 4:6, James 1:19-20.
• Offer a Biblical solution Example: James 1:20 "Hunny, I know Suzy is at a difficult age, and I've noticed that you have been irritable and harsh lately. She needs to be disciplined but the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. James 1:20 Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you? If you like, I can quietly point it out when you are getting frustrated."
• "Sweetheart I will always love you no matter what" 1 Corin. 13:6

• Responding to reproof ourself: take time to respond Prov. 15:28. Search scriptures for sin and how to change it. Eph. 4:22-24. Ask husband to give you examples of how to respond in a better way. Then confess sin. 1 John 1:9. Stop doing the sin, Heb. 12:11. Do not justify or defend yourself Micka 7:9, Prov. 15:5, 31-32, Proverbs 13:18, Listen and learn, be grateful that husband is sharing--prov. 27:5. If you have to suffer some humiliation in the process, you just have to suffer. you will bear the mature fruits.

• How to respond the wrong way Prov. 13:10
• forgive him, and focus on things I AM DOING wrong. matthew 7:5
• Hebrew 12:10-11 do not add to your personal hurt by reacting sinfully.

1. Chapter 6:A wife's understanding of her role

• Christian Wife's role: glorify & submit

• GLORIFY GOD: 5 issues to consider:Just as Christ Glorified God, we are to glorify my husband.

• men and women are created in God's image Gen 1:27. As a result, we are in charge of God's creation--Gen. 1:26.
• Do all to the glory of God--1 Cor 10:21.
• Choose to make responsible choices Joshua 24:14, Romans 3:19

• Understand order of service. Wives are a HELPER to her husband Gen. 2:7-18. Woman was created for a man. 1 Cor. 11:7-9
• We are capable of not having a Power struggle and restoring what Adam and Eve lost, a power struggle only results in grief--its a curse Gen 3:16. Husband is the head of the wife Eph. 5:23. It doesn't mean he is responsible for doing every thing, but he is responsible for delegating everything.
• Model of Christ and his church…husband and their wife.

• 18 ways a wife can be glorifying to her husband:

• Ask him "what are your goals for the week?
• " "how can I help you to accomplish these goals?"
• " "is there anything that I could do differently to make it easier for you?"
• Be organized with cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, God given respond.
• save energy for him
• put him first over children
• cheerfully and willingly remarriage schedule for him
• talk about him in a positive light to others
• do what you can to make him look good , to accomplish his goals, pray for him, and feel good…help him out.
• give him suggestions but don't be offended if he doesn't take those suggestions.
• consider his work as more important than my own.
• think of specific ways to help him accomplish his goals: get up earlier to help him get out the door to work.
• consider the things I'm involved in- how do they glorify my husband--ask his guidance.
• be warm and gracious to family and friends make your commitment to him, obvious to them.
• Dress attractively to husband
• reproof him privately, giving him hope
• encourage him to use his spitural gifts

VI. Chapter 7: Faithful Commitments of an Excellent wife

• Psalm 37:4 pray that God will answer his heart's desire
• Idolizing his desire--Ez. 14:1-11 or Lusting his desire--1 John 2:15-17 and 5:21
• for a Christian wife, the Day to Day heart's desire needs to be for Christ…an idol can be anything, even a good thing. If we want it so bad, that we are not putting God first, it is an idol.
• "HEART" is used 830 times in the bible Psalm 19:14 We have the capacity to worship God, but we have other desires competing for our attention.
• A list of idols/ lusts that Christian wives deal with: psalm 139: 23-24--good health, looks, christian marriage, treated fairly, hurt free life, worldly pleasures, having children, another person (man or women), a material thing, an ideal, money, success, other's approval, being in control, having your needs met.
• anxiety builds…when you're willing to do anything (including sin) for your idol. Matt. 22:37-38 It can become unbearable.

• Worship is going on every waking moment of every day..in your HEART.
• Repent to God, and no where else (ie. false saviors: umbilical view of god, sex, sleep, work, tv, reading, food, withdrawing, clinging to ppl, shopping, sports, exercise, recreation, hobbies, ministry as an escape, drugs/drinking.)
• God wants the undivided attention of your heart, set on glorifying him, not on thoughts, dreams, ect.
• A deepest heart's desire doesn't have to be bad- but the problem is when that desire is MORE important than glorifying God. clue: wife is willing to sin rather than glorifying God. Psalm 119: 9-16, 70, 77, 90,94,97,111,123,127,131,143 , 145, 162,165, 167, 174 …"How blessed are those who seek him with all their heart…"

• Seek God through the written word and thank god 1 Thes. 5:18. Deliberately think grateful thoughts. God will do the rest. 1 John 5:14-15
• What should the new desires consist?: everything that a wife wishes a husband will do for a wife. Instead, focus on: delight in him no matter the crime., know god's word and obey, seek god with all my heart, that I may be pleasing to him, cultivate joy, no matter what my husband does or doesn't do, he can use me for his glory.
• Ask God to give you new heart's desire 1 Jon 2:15-17, Col 3:1-4
• Helpful hints: think about his creations, think about today and the future--what God will do, ask god to give you new desires and motives Phil 2:13. Psalm 37:4. Invest more of spare time in scripture…memorize it. Make your goal to please the LORD not personal happiness. You'll feel anxiety when you know your thoughts are sinful- repent to God immediately.

VII. Chapter 8: Home, the wife's domain

• a Godly wife is organized..trying to make the home as least chaotic as possible. Titus 2:5
• Proverbs 31 wife "worker at home"
• 1 Tim. 5:14-15 younger widows keeping the house (rule or guide the house) run the household in a way that's pleasing to God
• If a wife is working, or returning to work- she should asses the situation: is it to relieve her husband from some load of work, what is it she really wants, is it to avoid becoming a non-person, get away from the demands of childcare---non of these are to glorify the Lord. Good motives would be to: learn to be content phil. 4:11, graditude to the lord, 1 Thes. 5:18, staying at home and running a good clean household 1 Cor. 10:31
• Debt: (lots of her opinions and no scripture)
• Eph. 6:4--children need to be brought up in Christ-centered discipline.
• 1Tim 5: 1-16…church's responsibility to take care of the wife is she is widowed.
• A wife should make it her business to keep an orderly home…she should use the resources that are out there, to help her get organize. She should not be lazy. no reading, watching TV or resting….a wife needs to learn Col. 3:23…being a hard, self-disciplined person.
• Prov. 6:9-11, Prov. 6:-6-8, 10: 5a, Prov. 12:27b, Laziness verses hardworking. Prov. 30:25
• SELF DISCIPLINED- don't be anxious. people are more important James 3:17. A wife that has her heart set on the perfect house probably has an idol in her heart. CLEAVERS…leave it to beaver--
• PART 2: Creating a godly environment in the home. Her ungodly aditude spreads, if she has one. Niamiah 8:10, Psalm 145:5-10 meditate on them, and think about them constantly. sing thankfulness daily as you go about chores Col. 3:15. Memorize them- share them daily with friends and family Psalm 118: 1-4 Today is the day the lord has made.
• Put time aside when I'm on my period.
• Plan time to spend time with family members ""I love you, you're such a joy to me. God gave you to me! What a joy!"
• Become aware of thoughts. replace sinful thoughts with Biblically optimistic thoughts.1 John 4:18 Overcoming fear with Love.
• Gentle and meek spirit- 1 Peter 3:4--don't panic at meek situations Romans 8:28.
• 2 Peter 3:18 growing knowledge of the Bible everyday

VIII Chapter 9 : love, the wife's choice

• No matter what she is feeling, God can give her a love bigger than she would have dreamed of. Biblical love can draw them together deeper than passionate- one flesh--Gen 2:24

• The Love of a wife for her Husband, Biblical Principals:

• wives are to love their husbands John 13: 34-45
• AGAPE love is a sacrificial love--gives to others even if nothing is given in return.
• it is a choice and we are held responsible.
• we can CHOOSE to SHOW love to our husband whether or not we FEEL like it. (anger than answering the door to the paster example)
• One flesh love: revealing of themselves one to another: Gen. 2:25. Since the fall, we have the chance to receive that same open-ness that God intended for husbands and wives.
• Love your husband as a magnification of God's grace 2 Cor 2:9--God will give you "super natural" power to love your husband if you obey God and be an obedient wife. Godly love is a choice not a feeling. Do this by being involved in scripture always.
• Be renewed by your mind Romans 12:2
• Wives are to LOVE THEIR HUSBANDS.
• Selfishness Hinders LOVE:

• Against the world's standards---put others first Phil. 2:3-4, Romans 12:10, 1 Cor. 15:5"LOVE DOES NOT FIND IT'S OWN WAY" ---Examle: "Love your husband by giving him this point"…God wants wives to be unselfish even if he is selfish.
• Do not have SECULAR views of love "love is having my needs met", "love is romance", daydreaming of romantic men---love of the flesh. Basing love on these is self-seeking and immature at best. feelings are always somewhat disappointed.
• Better to think "How can I show love" rather than "how can I GIVE love"
• Love is unconditional: No. 1Cor. 13:6 ---Reproofing if a person has strayed from God.

• BLAME: Example: suppose you believe the problems in your marriage are 40%your fault and 60% his fault..God wants you to begin dealing with your bitterness by taking 100% responsibility for your 40%. Quilt: take responsibility for your actions. Matthew 7:5
• Ask a mature christian to keep you accountable Heb. 4:15-16, Psalm 139: 23-24--pray that prayer (search me oh lord…and know my heart..)
• Doctorine of bitterness ! Cor. 13:5. Feeding bitterness by lying awake at night replaying the senario over and over…Not letting God be in your thoughts--ex: Lamentations 3:17-18 No happiness, no peace, no hope. Bitterness may lead to: Eph. 4:31. At this point, hubby wont be able to do anything right even if he tries Heb. 12:15
• If you do not repent your sin will spread to others. 1 Jon 1:9 ask forgiveness from family….concentrate on taking 100% responsibility for your 40% wrong.
• Matt. 7:12 however you want to be treated, treat others that way…go the second mile investment 1peter 3:9 overcome evil with Good NOT EVIL. Eph. 4:31-32 put away all bitterness…and be kind to one another just as Christ was kind to you.

• Godly thoughts with scripture to support them:

• Col 3:14 he has the capacity to grow in his ability to love
• He may be under pressure from work Eph. 4:31-32
• Phil. 2:3-4 I wonder If I can do anything differently to make things easier for him.
• Col. 3:12 Maybe he doesn't feel well today
• Eph. 4:1-3 Maybe he misunderstood what I was trying to say
• Maybe he has information that I don't have 1 Cor 4:1-5
• What he has done is difficult but God will give me the grace to get through it 1 Cor. 10:13
• I will forgive him Matt. 18:32
• 1 Cor. 6:11 he can change
• 1 Jon 1:9 Nothing that we can't work through
• 1 Cor 13:7 My responsibility to believe the best
• Eph. 4:15 He can't read my mind.
• 1 Peter 3:9 I'll give him a blessing instead of getting even
• Matt. 19:6 I'm committed to him not matter what
• James 1:5 God will give me strength to go on
• Col. 3:2
• my husband desiring to make love with me is a good thing, I can focus on loving him and pleasing God 1 Cor. 7:1-4

• 2 responses to husband's sin: anger, bitterness:

• "There is none righteous not even one" Romans 3:10
• Psalm 64:3 evil doers
• rebellion (divorce) 1 Cor 7:10
• don't dwell 1 Cor. 13:5
• Luke 17:3-4 Forgive
• Fear HINDERS LOVE: biblical key to overcome fear is to trust God. Psalm 27: 1-3

X. Chapter 10: To be continued :)

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I hope you feel blessed!

Brittany

The DIY Wifey